by Lexi Inks
Jan. 4, 2023
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Maybe you’ve warmed up to the idea of having sex with a new person to forget that your ex exists — but, even so, psychotherapist and sex therapist Maria Becker says that there are some deeper implications of the act to take into consideration. “Many folks struggle in their relationships with sex and intimacy to begin with, so prescribing potentially more bad sex… doesn’t really make sense to me,” they tell Bustle. “I think folks gravitate towards sex in the midst of emotional trauma because it can function as a dopamine hit, à la a social media like or repost. More deeply, it can help someone feel seen, desired, and wanted at a time where they don’t feel that way at all.” In other words, it can mask feelings of hurt that haven’t been dealt with. Robinson also notes you run the risk of continuing toxic relationship cycles if you start getting freaky with someone who offers more of the same B.S. your ex did.
If you have an anxious attachment style or tend to generally get in your feelings when a relationship becomes sexual, you could get hurt all over again when you enter into a casual, rebound-type of arrangement. “Sex is subjective and what may be a form of connection, bonding, or validation for one person may be a form of release, experimentation, or habit for another,” says Robinson. “We also have biological underpinnings that facilitate feelings of connection and intimacy during sex.” So if you haven’t processed your feelings about your ex and are clear on why you’re choosing to hook up with someone else, you may prolong the negative feelings you have about both yourself and others post-breakup, says Robinson.
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